first things first.

ok, so for anyone keeping track, i finally got around to reading that book on the camino de santiago (the one i heard about on "the next chapter").  i read it in 2 sittings, this past weekend.  that's pretty much all i did last weekend.  and, now, of course, i'm even more convinced that i need to walk the camino.

next year.  2012.  the year i turn 40.  fingers crossed.

scary.  exciting.

first things first.
i need to decide whether i want to do it alone or with a friend(s).  and what i actually mean by "with a friend(s)" is that we would go together and start together but we'd also likely split up at times during the 30 or so days that we'd be walking... so that we could each have our own individual camino experiences.

part of me says: "go with friends".  probably because that part of me knows that it'd be easier to go with friends.  and that i'd have support if i needed it.  and i will very likely need it.  plus, i'd get to share the experience with people i care about.

but another part of me says to go alone.  because isn't that sort of the whole point of an experience like this?

"but i've never travelled alone"
"but i might get more out of it alone"
"but it might be more fun with friends"
"fun isn't the point"
"but i don't want to be lonely"
"but i might regret going with friends"
"or i might regret going alone..."
flip flop.  back and forth.   pros, cons.
head, heart, gut.

still, it's exciting...
to start researching the lightest backpacks and sleeping bags available.
to start a notebook entitled "camino 2012".
to make a list of what to bring.  and to try to whittle that list down to its very bare bones.
and to imagine being completely disconnected from my regular life.  no phone, no internet, no hairdryer, no make-up, no nothing... just me, with myself. 
to remind myself to not blow my own roof off by expecting too much. 
to be ready for anything... fear, excitement, boredom, happiness, misery.
and to imagine that, with a little luck, next year, at this time, there could be a photo of me, looking something like this:

 

with the same expression on my face... one that says: "i'm doing it... and it's hard as hell... but i'm freakin' doing it".

and that's where i'm at tonight.  

hoping for a clear answer to the question of solo vs. friends.  

wondering if the interest that my friends have already expressed is the answer to that question.

feeling grateful.

and full of hope.