1. a friend of mine was telling me about a wiener dog that has narcolepsy. apparently, every time he gets excited, he keels over and falls asleep. so whenever it's time to eat and his owner takes the food out, the little wiener dog gets so excited that he runs around a bit and then - BAM! - he's asleep. that's all i think about when i see wiener dogs now.
2. yesterday, i was at the store and i saw a woman with this haircut:
i'm not exaggerating. it was EXACTLY like this kid's but it was brown and she was a fully grown woman. and, no, she wasn't being ironic. you could actually tell from her attitude that she thought she was the shit. she was also wearing her sunglasses indoors. in a health food store. i know this is going to sound extreme but i wanted to stab her. literally, with a pocket knife or whatever it is people use to stab other people. i'm sorry but you can't just walk around indoors with the world's ugliest mullet and your fucking sunglasses on and not expect that some people will want to stab you. that's just life.