butterfly of hope.

today, as i was sitting on my balcony, a little, white butterfly came to visit me.  and i would not expect you to find this snippit of information the least bit interesting were it not for the fact that this kind of thing has never happened before.  my balcony is on the 3rd floor, in an enclosed courtyard.  creatures just don't come to visit.  so the sight of one was... surprising.

i just sat there, in my chair, watching it.  and the first thing i thought was: "you're a butterfly of hope, aren't you?  and you've come along way to see me".  for the record, i have never said or even thought the words "butterfly of hope" before.  i have no idea where they came from but, in this moment, they made perfect sense.  so i proceeded to use my outside voice, and i spoke to it, saying the same thing: "hi!  you're a butterfly of hope!".  it fluttered around my tomato plants for a bit and then came right up to me, as if to confirm any doubts i may have had on its legitimacy.

fast forward to this afternoon.  i had a singing lesson.  i've been taking singing lessons on and off for about 5 years.  that sounds like an awful long time to be taking singing lessons, doesn't it?  let me try to quickly explain: i'm not what you would call a natural born singer.  when i don't sing for a while, my voice closes up.   and when i get into a mood where i want to sing again, i go see my vocal coach, to dust off the inner cobwebs. that's what i did this afternoon.

i didn't used to sing very well at all.  but i've always loved to sing.  and i wanted to be able to sing the songs i was writing without blowing anyone's eardrums out.  so i started the lessons, and am happy to report that the progress has been phenomenal, which is not at all the same as saying that my singing is phenomenal.  but, yes, the voice that once made me cringe, i now, when its been warmed up and opened, quite like. 

but, throughout the lessons and the past 5 years, i have consistently struggled with one particular thing, which i call "vocal curlicues".  the name is sort of self-explanatory so i'm hoping you know what i'm talking about here but, if you don't, vocal curlicues are basically vowels that are strung together and that go from one note to another but that are meant to be sung in a smooth, consistent manner.  they're used a lot by R&B singers.  and, yodeling, for example, is vocal curlicues gone wild.  but my own curlicues have never been smooth or consistent.  i've always screwed them up or stumbled through them.  and i've tried.  many times.  for 5 years.  to wrap my head around them, without success.

 

but today, something different happened.  today, a little window inside of me opened up.  my mind and my mouth understood something, for the very first time.  and i was able to get the curlicues out in a way that i've never been able to before.

i was surprised that it happened today of all days.  because i was a little tired today.  and because, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is the worst day of your life and 10 is the best, i was only somewhere around a 4 when the lesson started.  by the end of the lesson, i was at least an 8.5.

and that, my sweet faces, is my very favourite thing about life.  it can be so humdrum/blah/boring sometimes.  and then, when you least expect it, something amazing happens.  you get a visit from a crazy, little butterfly of hope.   or a window opens up inside you and you understand something that you never thought you could before.  or... something else that's awesome.  and, in that moment, your crustiness and your bitterness dissolve into tiny little fragments.  and, the next thing you know, you're singing to yourself, smiling at strangers, and trying to contain an overwhelming desire to skip down the street.

i don't know where this butterfly came from or where its headed next but i'm saying a little prayer tonight that it stops by your house, and sprinkles its hope on you too.