my point.

i have a notebook.  i actually have a few notebooks.  but there's one in particular that i've dubbed my "spirituality notebook".  and, just to be clear, if we're ever at a super cool party with super cool people and you say something about me having a spirituality notebook, i will make my "confused" face and pretend that i have no idea what you're talking about, and then, when we're in line together for the bathroom and no one else is around, i'll say: "dude.  WTF?!".  but, right now, since it's just you and me... yeah, i have a spirituality notebook.  i also have a "health notebook", a "work notebook'" and a few "notebook notebooks" but... that's not the point.  to be honest, i don't really know where i'm going with this.  but stick around, will ya?  i've got the chatties.

ok, here's the sitch:
i think i may have myself a slight case of the ol' post-break-up blues.  it could also be PMS.  except that i'm pretty sure PMS doesn't last a month and a half.

it's nothing crazy or major.  it's just ever so slightly annoying to not be the chipperiest version of myself.

at any rate, in times like these (and by "times like these", what i really mean is "when i'm feeling a little bummed"), i often resort to trickeries, in an attempt to make myself feel better.  these strategies include but are not limited to: pretending it's the best day of my life, pretending that i'm playing the role of someone who's ridiculously happy, thinking of people who are far worse off than i am, and bribing myself.  for the record, none of these strategies ever really work but they are, at least, somewhat distracting, which, i guess, is better than nothing at all.

once i've exhausted all of my useless strategies, i inevitably remember that i have a spirituality notebook lying around somewhere.  it generally takes me about a week or two of more apathy, until i get to the point of being sufficiantly annoyed with myself, to pull out the notebook and to read through it.

my spirituality notebook is filled with passages from books that i like, and quotations from meaningful videos or TV or radio shows.  when i read or hear something that i want to remember, i've got a place to put it.  it's kind of like reading/writing my own bible.  or probably more like my own self-help book.  but bible sounds better.

here are some tiny snippits from my SN:

"surrender the need to know everything"
 "breakdowns lead to breakthroughs"
"my pain is not me.  my mind creates it."
"set a goal so big that, if you achieve it, it will blow your mind"

why am i telling you this?  who.  stinkin'.  knows.

probably, partly, because i feel like i've been a little MIA on here... 
and...  well... maybe you're also feeling a smidge on the bluesie side and maybe knowing that you're not the only one will make you feel .oo5% better.
or maybe you're having the best day of your life and you're reading this and thinking: "thank god i'm not that girl".
whatever gets you through.

maybe it's a gratitude journal.
maybe it's a spirituality notebook.
maybe it's walking your dog.

and, maybe, even those things aren't enough to completely wipe the bluesies away.
and you think to yourself: "(insert your favourite expletive here)!  my strategies aren't working as well as i'd hoped".
but you keep trying.
and you keep at it.
and then
tiny little things.
like the evening breeze coming through the apartment
or an ever so slight beginning of a suntan
make you feel a tiny smidge better.
and a tiny smidge more hopeful.

i wish lots of these little smidges for you.
i wish them for both of us.

i guess that's it, really.
i guess that's my point.